People continually ask me, "how are you doing?" or "how can you be working?" or some variation on those themes. My response is always, "What's the alternative?" I suppose I could sit around and feel sorry for myself and immerse myself in a steaming vat of self righteous anger while my business collapsed around me. And who could blame me? After all, wasn't this done TO me? But, to waht end? It serves no one. That is not to say that I am not dealing with real symptoms of PTSD, shock and waves of searing anger. But I ultimately get to choose how I respond and how I show up in the world.
I arrived in Seattle last night (Sunday). On the flight in, I started experiencing waves of panic. I was leaving my massively supportive community and heading back into the work environment. As I walked across the sky bridge to the taxi station, the air was warm and full of the smells of Spring time. The feelings of dread I was having was so out of sync with my surroundings that it left me confused and longing to turn around and go home. But this is what is in front of me. It is what is needed and what is to be done. If I spent all of my time honoring how I felt about things instead of dealing with my commitments, I would be curled up in a corner somewhere right now. Again, this is not to minimize the physical reactions people have when dealing severely stressful situations. But as I said, to the degree that I can choose, I will.