Sunday, May 13, 2012

Cautious Optimism

It seems that all the hard work and keeping this in front of the media has paid off. If not for the tireless efforts of the media and some legislators that took up our cause, we might not be here today. But, we are and I am optimistic. We had a meeting with Governor Hickenlooper last week. He has rallied the troops around a new bill that would remove the cap and immunity from instances of wildfires that were caused by the State during controlled burns. This benefits everyone that lives in Colorado, not just us. And it is a completely bipartisan bill that is supported all the way up to the Governors office and greatly reduces the bar for proving negligence. We are cautiously optimistic.

I must say that I don't care how this came about, be it political pressure, media or whatever. The Governor seems to have stepped up to do the right thing. Time will tell how this plays out, but for now my hat is off to the Governor. This is not the time to be cynical. It is time to rebuild, and that means different things to different people affected by this tragedy.

For us, rebuilding has started with total destruction. There is nary a trace of the place we used to call home. The foundation has been removed, several trees cut down and the landscape has a foreign look to it. The green grass that is juxtaposed against the charred tree trunks has a certain beauty to it, and I have started to get a bit excited about the prospect of rebuilding.

Yesterday we put our Airstream trailer, "Flame" on the lot. The schizophrenic weather cleared just long enough to accomplish the task and we were totally psyched to stay there for the first time last night. That was not to be, however. After attending the semi-sometimes-annual-or-sometime belly dancing show at the local high school, we stepped out into pouring rain. The prospect of dealing with muddy dogs that had not yet been trained to navigate the single step into the unknown was overwhelming (yes, they are pussys). So, back to Jessica's we went.

As grateful as we are to have a place to crash, it is still not our place. We had gotten somewhat used to staying at Lynn's log palace. It had taken the edge off of reality. With two big dogs to deal with, living out of our car and once again on the move, I have to say, reality has returned with a vengeance. Back to the insomnia-esc sleeping pattern... up at 3:30 am; lying in bed feeling breathless while my heart pounds out of my chest, out of bed at 4:00 am. This can stop any time. Really, I am done.

The current studies on brain science tell us that our brain is up before we are making decisions for us before we are ever aware it is happening. And we think we are self deterministic creatures. That's funny. Mostly we are like a thick fart on the wind. The best chance we have is to alter the way the world occurs for us, which is an interesting process. We have to replace the brain's current focus of survival with something else. Give it something else to work on, kind of like a dog with a bone. Our dog Tigger is a great example. We will see him with something in his mouth that his intent on destroying. Our work is to be vigilant and quickly substitute the slimy mess with something we would rather see slobbered on and destroyed.... much like our thinking.

For now, we are focusing on the two bundles of joy that are Jessica's little girls. I read Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs to Cassidy this morning. Her joy with this fairy tale was tangible. It will be the foundation for her disappointment with the reality of relationships and she won't even know why she has the expectation that some metro-sexual prince will swoop to "make her happy". Steve made us breakfast, which was such a treat. He is one of the best, most patient fathers I have ever seen and a very generous host. We could not ask for more. But we will and we are. I just want a place to call my own. I am seriously exhausted and tired of being a gypsy.

It's not all bad though, because one of the remaining possessions we have is our sailboat in the Bahamas. And we will be spending the month of August learning how to relax again in Pixies comfortable quarters. So, in a world where the most normal thing I have going is to travel to Seattle and work 12 hour days, I am ready for a nice extended time on our boat and to learn how to relax again. I am cautiously optimistic.


  1. Jerry and I have our hands and hearts ready to help you two in any possible way we can. And we're excited to be seeing you in August!! Your strength and courage in the face of all this sheer horror is magnificent. We love you. ma

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